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PLAYLIST NO. 5: “CRY BABY CRY”

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Monterey, California / 3-24-2019 / 35mm Pentax

THIS IS NOT A BREAKUP PLAYLIST! well, it can be if you want it to be, music is subjective and impacts everyone differently but that is not what it was intended to be. i’m a crier; i cry when i’m happy, sad, angry, inspired…i’m big into crying as a way to express myself but not all of these songs are “sad songs“. some of these songs are about love and life and expression. i find some of the lyrics in these songs to be so moving and beautiful that i can’t help but (you guessed it) cry. so, if you need a good cry, listen to this playlist.

you can cry to my playlist here.

  1. “orange” – big thief
  2. “chelsea” – phoebe bridgers
  3. “i saw you in a dream” – the japanese house
  4. “oblivions” – the national
  5. “geyser” – mitski
  6. “the joke” – brandi carlile
  7. “don’t know how to keep loving you” – julia jacklin
  8. “plastic” – moses sumney
  9. “version of me” – kimbra, dawn richard
  10. “say it” – maggie rogers
  11. “the dirt” – tor miller
  12. “since i left you” – joy crookes
  13. “body” – karen o

WHY DOES CUTTING OFF ALL OF YOUR HAIR FEEL SO DAMN GOOD?

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why does cutting off all of your hair feel so damn good? speaking from personal experience, i just recently took off 12 inches. the last time i had short hair was when i was a kid. my brother was blowing bubbles and accidentally spit his gum into my hair, so my dad cut it out and cut it (my hair) off. my dad, Bob, coincidentally was responsible for giving me my first “bob“! isn’t that cute?

everyone has their reasons for why they’re making the drastic cut; reeling from heartbreak, feeling misunderstood, protecting your family’s honor and saving your country. for me it was a fresh start. for some time now i had been in an unhealthy headspace. i was feeling lost, frustrated and uninspired which prevented me from wanting to go out or even confiding in anyone who tried to reach out (sorry Mom). i was not myself, my ego was fragile and my self-esteem bruised. when i thought i was starting to feel “okay” again, i had a meltdown. it happens to the best of us, right? some experience it in the privacy of their own home and some (me) experience it in the middle of a live show while at work… someone had made me feel small and that was enough to derail any sense of composure or rationality, so i cried wept. this person didn’t even KNOW me and they managed to make me feel smaller than i know myself to be.

all my insecurities were re-awakened. in the most random (and inconvenient) times, i would think about this person who made me feel small and it would make me tear up in anger. i was angry at this person for making me feel this way and angry at myself for allowing them to do so… so i sulked and i sulked HARD. i’d sit in my room feeling sorry for myself and do nothing about it. it’s hard to pull yourself out of that headspace when you aren’t fully aware that you’re in it (ain’t hindsight a bitch?!). this person probably didn’t spend another moment thinking about me (dick) but i couldn’t stop thinking about them- which speaks volumes to what i was really struggling with *cough– letting go -cough cough*. i recognized this and was done wasting my energy on this person, i was “letting it go“. with this new found freedom, i wanted a change, so i booked the next hair appointment i could get and said BUH-BYE to the previous drama that was weighing me down.

i wish it didn’t sound so cliché to say how good it feels to cut off all of your hair but DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO CUT OFF ALL OF YOUR HAIR! a fresh start and a fresh state of mind. a haircut won’t fix all of your problems but it can be a good place to start!

THE GOOD.

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A BIRTHDAY ROAD TRIP

Bubble Gum Alley

tis true, my twin and i turned 26 last weekend and to celebrate we took a quick road trip to monetery. to make the most of our weekend, we headed up to san luis obispo on friday after work. it was a tough task but we made it. we stayed the night in slo so we could get an early start the next day, a reservation at the copper cafe was a good reason to set an alarm on the weekend.

this place was a DREAM. i’m already trying to plan another trip to slo so i could stay at the madonna inn and be surrounded by pink at all times of the day. *i hated pink as a kid and i think i’m making up for it now…*

Madonna InnCopper Cafe

Copper Cafe

*cody making fun of the fact that i ordered three drinks with my breakfast* yes, i bought one of those goblets from the store and will be drinking all of my liquids out of it forever.

did i mention these two joined us for the trip?? dang i love them. (best roommates ever)

Copper CafeMadonna Inn

post breakfast we went to see bubblegum alley- where you can surround yourself with other people’s spit and bad breath by choice! no, we did not contribute to the wall…

Bubble Gum Alley

Processed with VSCO with e1 presetProcessed with VSCO with e1 preset Processed with VSCO with e1 presetwe continued our drive up north by stopping in morro bay to try and see some otters. SPOILER ALERT: we didn’t see any otters but we did see a corgi so we consider that a win.

after our corgi sighting, we continued on to cayucos for some cookies and stumbled upon a vintage store where i almost took home this jacket…some serious thought went into deciding against this jacket. i toss and turn at night wondering if i made the right decision.

Drivingand so the road trip continues to big sur! this was a long stretch for us; it took a few hours to get to the next stop… a lot of snacks and some terrible views were consumed within those hours (see below).

so we didn’t get the obligatory bixby bridge picture… as we approached the crowded bridge it was a pretty unanimous decision “DON’T STOP! KEEP GOING! WE’RE ALMOST THERE!” we were so close (yet so far) to monterey and as much as we wanted this road trip to be about the journey, we really wanted to just stop driving. in hindsight, we could have used another day (or two) to really explore but you live and you learn right?! once we got to monterey, we dropped our bags off at the hotel and headed straight to dinner to drink and eat our weight in pasta – WE DESERVED IT.

before embarking on our journey back home, we wanted to see the beautiful 17-mile drive. i know what you’re thinking…”before you drive the 6 hours back home, you’re going to drive 17 miles to see beaches?!” the answer is yes, and like i said, “you live and you learn.” i loved our not so little road trip up the coast and spending time with my loved ones in a car for hours on end. would do it again in a heartbeat.

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our weekend on film below. xx

KELTIE KNIGHT: MYDOMAINE

KELTIE KNIGHT

because it’s thursday and #throwbackthursday is still a thing (is it?) i’m posting some pics that i took of keltie for mydomaine a little over a year ago. you can see the full feature of her new (kind of) and improved walk-in closet here.

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INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

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there are so many incredible and inspiring women that i look up to so in support of international women’s day, i’m posting a few of them here for you. you may know some of them but if you don’t already, get to know them…it will only bring you joy. happy international women’s day! may we empower, support and trust in each other! xx

“Little actions, like wearing a hand-stitched message on your chest, can spark conversations that we collectively need to be having right now. Starting meaningful dialogues has always been an essential goal of ours.” – Rachelle Hruska MacPherson 

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“a musician unbound, from the conventions of country music, from the tiresome arguments over what constitutes “real country,” from an industry that hasn’t so much made her a superstar as it has watched her become one anyway.”

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“A self-described “Céline woman” of the Phoebe Philo era, she has the casualness of Bieber but the refinement of a woman you could spend your life trying to emulate.”

“I’m not just going to post shoes,” Welch says, “You’re damn straight I’m going to say what I believe in. If that has consequences, I think the consequences of being quiet are way bigger.”

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“Her drive to confront structural racism, sexism and classism would be remarkable no matter what her age — but when delivered by an 18-year-old it is, frankly, astonishing.”

“Yara’s character, integrity and intellect are matched by a deep sense of purpose, which is extraordinary to see in someone so young,” said Burch. “She is positioned to become a voice of her generation.”

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“Natalie Prass has a voice like a cupcake, a creamsicle, a rainbow. She has a way of infusing the simplest turn of phrase with unspeakable wonder, injecting a line with a trill or a breath, wielding pause and emphasis with expert, joyous control.”

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“Ocasio-Cortez has become the new face of the resistance, electrifying the media, emerging as a hero to millennials alienated by broken government, and confounding establishment Democrats as much as the “alt-right dudebros,” as she calls them, who have attempted to trivialize and villainize her.”

“There are a lot of things that just need to change. And friction and conflict is just a foundational element of change.”

THE JAPANESE HOUSE

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i saw the japanese house at sxsw two years ago and was instantly enamored. this was my first time listening to her music and i wanted MORE. she had a couple of eps that held me over but i wore those songs out pretty quickly…GUILTY! today (the first day of my birthday month) she released her first full length album (hbd 2 me!) and i am beyond ready to have this album on repeat.

INSPIRATION: PAMPAS GRASS

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I DID IT! after months of sleeping on the floor i FINALLY bought a bed frame! i was in a bit of a rut… didn’t feel motivated or inspired to do much of anything related to my room so night after night, i would go to bed, look at the sad mattress on the floor and go to sleep. for me, a bed frame made all the difference and now that my room (and life?) are back in order i’ve been looking for inspiration to freshen up my bedroom and i think i found it…PAMPAS GRASS. i love the light and subtle presence they have in a room. think i might ned to pick some up this weekend…stay tuned!

THE GOOD.

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  • can’t wait for this! my love for gary oldman only grows stronger each day.
  • need plans for valentine’s day? look no further… i’ll see you there. wear sequins.
  • haven’t listened to this song in years but i think i’ve made up for it. #repeat
  • these dogs have better rain coats than i do… it’s raining in LA right now…btw.

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